From Relationship Hesitation to Marriage and Partnership Through Expert Communication Coaching

Ken's superpower of supporting people and being able to communicate and hear and listen and talk to each other is incredible. I think every couple should have that experience for at least an hour to see what life could be like when they are listening and hearing and speaking to each other, because so much more becomes available. My name is Matt Thielman. I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and I work as a leadership coach. Before we worked with Ken, my now wife, my partner then, and I had been dating for a few years, and I was ready to move towards engagement and to marriage, and she was a little hesitant. And being a coach, I'm very quick to offer support and, like, present that as an option for us to take a look at. It's funny that I never thought we would hire Ken. I knew Ken from years before. "He's way too expensive for us. There's no way we're gonna hire him. But we should at least talk to him," because I wanted her to experience a bunch of different coaches. So we get on, and within 15 minutes of meeting Ken, she said, "Oh my gosh, this is the one. Let's go. I'm really excited for this." And the intent was to get us to being engaged, and it worked. It's always a vulnerable thing to sign on with a coach, because we didn't know what was gonna happen. We both knew that we wanted to stay in partnership, but we definitely didn't know how we would get to where we wanted to get. Ken has tremendous patience. His ability to translate from one person to another and to support, uh, sort of the partner in seeing the other person's side is incredible, I think second to none. And there's a way in which Ken holds that, like, this is all gonna work out without having to say it. And so we felt really safe in every conversation, and we f- ended up leaving every single time, even if we had stuff to work on, feeling in partnership. Ken didn't hesitate to call either of us out if in session we were not abiding by one of these practices or rules, and calling us out in a way that says, like, "Hey, I know you wanna show up and do better for the other person." We, we would find ways to get back into connection without making either of us wrong about not being there. The transformation for me, I think, was about patience and about being clear on how long I would be willing to accept where we were without pressuring Kristen. And that, that sort of patience has translated now. We now have a beautiful daughter and a, a similar process. As we just continue to build our lives, I can notice when I'm becoming impatient or think things should be moving faster than they are, especially if it's times when she's not ready, that I can sit back and, and say, "Okay, what needs to happen for her to be in her process?" And the relational transformation, I think, became a lot more about partnership and really having each other. We have all the tools that we need, and we're still human, so we, we still show up and don't always meet each other's needs, uh, miss each other, uh, and keep coming back. So there's a part of me that wants to say that our life is perfect and amazing and w- nothing ever needs to shift, and that's not at all it. And that's probably the lesson, which is that we continue to choose each other, and every day we wake up and do that. I hold true that in every relationship, both partners can grow. And so for, for me, it was important for me to see where I could continue to grow while being in it, trusting that the, the coach supporting us would also invite my wife to grow, and it wouldn't be either/or. And Ken does that beautifully. Ken has an incredible ability to meet people exactly where they are and invite them to what is next for them without making anything wrong about it.