From Constant Fighting to the Best Relationship Through Expert Communication Translation

I'm really proud of how good we are at communicating. In fact, I tell a lot of people, I'm like, "We have pretty much the best relationship of anybody that I know." And it is something that we've both worked very hard at, we've had a lot of good support for, and we're getting good. We were fighting all the time. We're really having a tough time communicating. You know, we loved each other deeply. We were doing big work in the world, and that meant we had a lot of intense energy, both of us, right? Um, and it just got so painful, the fighting, and we knew that something had to change. I was a hard no to, like, meeting with Ken for a long time. I didn't wanna coach. I didn't feel comfortable being vulnerable in that way, especially with someone I'd never met. I'd never met Ken before he became our coach. And, um, after the first and, like, intro call with Ken, [laughs] I was so sold. And the reason I was so sold was because Ken has a magical skill set of being able to be present with two people completely arguing, pointing fingers, blaming, blaming, and somehow manage to be an approval of both people at the same time, and manages to translate the good parts, the actual messages that we're trying to send to each other. Not the, like, crappy, triggery messages that we're actually saying out loud, but what's underneath. He is such a calm guy almost all of the time, right? Occasionally, he'll get really animated, uh, which I- which is only in the right moment that we need it. Working with Ken is... It feels really safe. It feels comfortable. I feel like I have the courage to open up and be vulnerable and speak my honest, often messy truth, and know that there's g- not gonna be any judgment from him. I'm gonna get nothing but love and approval and compassion, as well as help communicating everything that I'm trying to say to my partner. So [laughs] we are so much better at communicating with each other, understanding each other, being generous with each other, giving each other space when we need it, coming together when we need it. But really what we're getting really, really good at is being able to speak our honest truths. My favorite part about working with Ken is how well he can just translate, right? He takes, like, word vomit from things that I'm saying. I'm crying. I'm in a, a big emotional triggered state, and he can, like, calmly, like, filter it through his system and communicate it in a way that Joe can listen to, Joe can hear, my partner, right? It's not, like, this messy, triggery way. He just kind of delivers the actual message in a way that my partner can hear it. And then, then the opposite happens, right? Then he'll respond and say all this stuff that, like, triggers me, and I get upset, but then Ken will, will deliver it back and be a communicator, a translator, and say it in a way that I can hear it. And those w- those two different ways are completely different and tailored for each one of us, which at... in my opinion, is, is Ken's biggest gift to the world.